Boyfriend's Public Proposal Brings Up Doubts
DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend recently proposed to me, and I said no -- not because I don't want to marry him, but because of how he did it. He proposed at a baseball game in front of a huge crowd, and it felt completely wrong for me. I don't even like sports, and he knows that.
I've always dreamed of a more intimate and meaningful proposal, something that reflects who we are as a couple. Instead, I felt caught off guard, uncomfortable and even a little embarrassed. I panicked and said no in the moment, but now I'm wondering if I overreacted. The thing is, this isn't just about the proposal itself. It makes me question whether he truly understands me and what I value. If he had put thought into making it personal and special, I would've said yes in a heartbeat. Now I'm left feeling disappointed, and I don't know if I should just move past it, have him try again or take this as a sign that we might not be as compatible as I thought. Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way? Should I talk to him about redoing the proposal in a way that feels right for me, or is this a red flag about our future together? -- Proposal Gone Wrong
DEAR PROPOSAL GONE WRONG: Sit down and talk to your boyfriend. Apologize for reacting so strongly and negatively to his proposal. Explain that he caught you off guard. Then tell him specifically how you felt. Remind him that you don't like sports, so you felt like his proposal did not take you or your feelings into consideration at all. This led you to wonder if he knows what you value. Tell him that you are open to marrying him, but now you are concerned whether you two are on the same page. Ask him to share his reasons for proposing in that way. Try not to be accusatory as you talk to him, or he might clam up and stop talking.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I grew up with Christian parents and Christian friends at a Christian church. I believe in God and read my Bible from time to time, but I struggle to confidently call myself a Christian. Part of me feels like I don't do enough, and I wonder if I'd be criticized by those who do more than me. Is it normal to feel so insecure about my own faith? -- Christian in Training
DEAR CHRISTIAN IN TRAINING: There will always be people who doubt who you are, how strong your faith is and what you do with your life. Do not concern yourself with those people. Instead, if you want to have a better understanding of your faith and your role in it, consider going to adult Bible school. You are never too old to study or to deepen your faith. Perhaps your church offers such a program. If not, look online. Your denomination may have specific courses, workshops or immersion activities that create opportunities to dive into your faith.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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