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DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year now, and we get along great in most areas. However, I've noticed that we have different approaches to money. I'm focused on saving, investing and planning for the future, while he prefers to live in the moment and spend freely. He likes to buy random infomercial items off of the internet or spontaneously buy new items like expensive appliances.

I told him that these aren't smart financial decisions, and he told me to not worry. I worry that our financial differences could lead to conflict down the road, especially when it comes to major life decisions like buying a home, traveling or retirement planning. I love my boyfriend, but I don't want money to become a constant source of stress. How do I determine if this is something we can work through? -- Conflicting Values

DEAR CONFLICTING VALUES: Talk about your views on money in the context of your desires for the future. Ask your boyfriend how he sees his life in five to 10 years. Does he want to buy a home? What type of work will he do? Does he want to travel? Whatever you care about, ask him his views on it. Then describe to him your dreams and interests and your thoughts on how to manifest them.

Bring up your ideas on saving and investing in the future. Ask him if he is willing to work with you to make a plan that includes putting money away rather than spending it. Perhaps you can agree to create a joint account for savings or investing, to which you each deposit a fixed monthly amount. This can allow him to continue to have some money to spend as he pleases while also contributing to the plans for the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love my friends, but I can't help feeling like the least impressive one in the group. They're all beautiful, stylish and successful. They have great jobs and exciting social lives and always seem so confident. When we go out together, I feel like I fade into the background. Guys approach them first. People compliment them more, and I can't shake the feeling that I don't measure up. It's not that I'm unhappy with myself, but being around them sometimes makes me question my own worth. I start picking apart my looks, my career progress and even my personality.

I know they don't intentionally make me feel this way. They're supportive and kind, but I still find myself struggling with insecurity whenever we're together. I hate feeling like I'm in constant comparison mode, and I don't want my self-doubt to ruin these friendships. How do I stop feeling like the least impressive friend? How can I build my confidence without distancing myself from the people I love? -- Less Than

DEAR LESS THAN: Take a step back and assess your attributes. What is special about you? Be honest. Then look in the mirror and remind yourself of those qualities. You have to love yourself first.

Consider expanding your friend group. You don't have to dump your current group of friends, but open your eyes and notice other people with similar interests who aren't part of that clique. See if you can be comfortable around other people without too much self-judgment. If so, continue to spend time with them.

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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025, Harriette Cole

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