ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My company has a return to office four days a week mandate this year. While it's nice to have the in-person camaraderie, co-workers who are conspicuously ill are coming in and spreading their contagion. (My company provides a generous two weeks of "occasional absence," which may be used for sick days, doctor appointments and such.) No one says anything.

I am now sick (at home). These co-workers are not heroes for coming in to work with their germs, but selfish and inconsiderate.

I feel I should say something to our office manager. What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: That you say, "You might want to reiterate the 'occasional absence' policy. The return to office mandate seems to have people confused. We surely do not want to encourage people to come to work when they are sick and contagious."

For maximum effect, Miss Manners recommends you have this conversation whilst sneezing and coughing -- safely over the phone, of course.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have noticed a problem at quite a few restaurants I've frequented -- that their napkins seemingly come exclusively wrapped around silverware.

So when I ask for an additional napkin or a replacement -- due to it being used to clean my hands or the table, etc. -- I am inevitably given a napkin with a new silverware set, which means I have additional flatware at what are sometimes small tables.

Is there a polite way to ask for a napkin by itself? Or return the additional silverware that is unneeded?

GENTLE READER: There are polite ways to do both.

"Could I please have another napkin?" repeating, "Just the napkin is fine," if necessary. But if that too gets ignored, Miss Manners thinks it is fine to return the silverware saying, "These are clean, I just needed the napkin, thanks" -- although a reputable restaurant will wash them again anyway.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband believes that when we receive a single, indivisible gift intended for us as a couple (such as a platter, restaurant gift card or other anniversary gift) or a shared experience, like another couple hosting us at a vacation home, both he and I should write separate thank-you note messages (albeit on a single card).

I would prefer that we send a single message, using "we" in the note (e.g., we love X), with one person writing and each individual signing. Is either approach poor etiquette? (We jointly wrote this message, if it matters.)

GENTLE READER: Your reveal at the end notwithstanding, two people cannot properly write a letter.

At the top of yours, however, you began with, "my husband and I" which is the correct way to word it. The rest of a thank-you message would then be in the singular, save for a reiteration or two of how much your husband (or you, if he is writing it) enjoys the present too. Then only the writer would sign it.

But if you would still like to make letters of thanks a joint effort? Miss Manners suggests you take turns writing them.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN