ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am curious what the etiquette is at a gathering when music is playing in a friend's home on the voice-controlled device.

Is it OK for a guest to speak directly to the device to ask it to play a song?

GENTLE READER: Many of us remain skeptical of manufacturers' claims that if only we keep paying for upgrades, tomorrow's devices will be smarter than the dimmest cat. Until that does happen -- and the household devices can make claim to being more than objects -- a good guest waits for the host's permission before touching, or talking to, the inanimate residents.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've been employed for almost 30 years as an administrator for a company that owns and operates several retail centers, apartment complexes and office buildings. I write many letters to all of the tenants, as I'm the main, and sometimes the only, point of contact.

Knowing that a tenant has lost their spouse, when addressing future letters, should I address it to both Mr. and Mrs. or just the surviving spouse? I have addressed letters both ways and have offended people for either including, or excluding, the deceased spouse.

GENTLE READER: One can sympathize with a widow's or widower's loss while still saying that, as a matter of both etiquette and logic, one does not knowingly address a letter to someone who is deceased.

And, though you did not ask, Miss Manners will add two further assertions with equal confidence. First, there is no breach of etiquette in addressing a letter to someone who is deceased when you were unaware of that fact. Second, the proper answer to a surviving spouse who tells you otherwise is, "I am so sorry for your loss. We will, of course, immediately correct our records."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are in our 50s and own a small business, as we have for our entire adult, post-college life. We are not wealthy but have maintained our small business for many years and love it, and we are highly educated and intelligent people.

We have a nephew on my husband's side of the family who is in his mid-20s and successful right out of college, with a well-paying corporate job. Every time we see him, which is not often because he lives across the country, he turns the conversation to our business, constantly giving unsolicited advice on how we could build our business and bring in more money.

We have never once brought up our business around him. I can only surmise that he has heard about some of the financial struggles we've endured from his mother, my husband's sister, as I know he has shared some of this with her.

I was raised to never discuss money around others, and certainly not to give advice to people 30 years my elder. What is a polite way of letting him know we aren't interested in his opinions on our business?

GENTLE READER: The polite way is to thank him while looking like you are not quite listening. The amusing way is to thank him while sounding slightly condescending.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN