In Defense Of Call Waiting
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm no more a fan of call waiting than Miss Manners is, but I do want to defend its limited utility. I was co-owner and manager of a small business for several years, and I frequently had to act as receptionist by answering our office phone.
If I'm on the phone and call waiting sounds, I ask Party A to wait 15 seconds while I check my other line. I ask them to call back if we're disconnected, and I repeat my guarantee that I will get back to them in 15 seconds.
I switch to Party B on the second line by stating my name and asking for theirs. Then I say immediately that I have to return to my other line, but I will definitely call them back in five or 10 or 15 minutes (whichever seems realistic for finishing Party A's call).
Under no circumstances will I allow Party B to explain the reason for their call; if they try, I interrupt and repeat that I need to hang up and I'll call them back. If they still keep talking, I tell them for the second time that I have to hang up. Then I hang up, without waiting for their consent or acknowledgement.
If the whole process is handled efficiently, I'm back to Party A within the 15 seconds that I promised. But some people inevitably persist in telling me their story, so I have to stay firm and cut them off.
Am I being rude by hanging up, or is my system sufficiently polite for the modern world?
GENTLE READER: Sufficiently Polite for the Modern World sounds like a standard for those who have given up caring -- one step behind Do Whatever Comes Naturally, though perhaps better than the perpetually dreary Whatever Makes You Happy.
What is interesting about your situation is that business etiquette may indeed have different rules than those that apply in the personal world. Hospitals do not take people on a strictly first-come, first-served basis for a good reason, and this leads her to wonder what service your company provided.
Whatever that is, the more pressing the reason for you to pick up quickly for the next caller -- say, for example, you were staffing a suicide-prevention hotline -- the more reason you would have not to hang up on the current one. And even if you cannot stay with the current person, what justification is there for hanging up rather than putting them back on hold?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who, when she gets a haircut and I don't acknowledge it, brings that to my attention. It's never attractive, and I know she's not going to keep up with it.
I don't know the polite way of saying, hey, you had a haircut, without saying it looks nice. By the way, she never compliments me on anything.
GENTLE READER: The deep moral iniquity of raising a friend's spirits by telling her the haircut was a success eludes Miss Manners, but she will take your word for it.
Could you at least smile and say, "You look terrific; did you get a new haircut?" This will, of course, be for naught if your friend is foolish enough to then ask, "Do you like it?" and you feel compelled to answer, "I'm no judge of such things."
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN
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