ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please help me with line etiquette when faced with the following scenario.

Person A enters the post office and gets behind five people in line. There is a group at the table, fussing with packages (addressing, taping, stuffing boxes, etc.). Person A finally makes it to the head of the line, but when "Next!" is called, Person B, who was packing, cuts in front. Then, one by one, Persons C, D, etc., also cut, stating they've "already been through the line."

I can see both positions. Person A would say, "I'm 100% ready, and you weren't. You already received service, and now it's my turn." Persons B, C, etc. would say, "I've already put in my time and waited in line just like you. I'm ready now, and it's not reasonable to make me wait again."

Which is correct?

GENTLE READER: The choice of vendor in your example suggests that your experience matches Miss Manners' own -- namely, that the post office is the last remaining business not to have noticed that by ambiguously placing their tables inside the line stanchions, they are causing fist fights in the lobby.

The irrational, but accepted, convention of lines is that it may advance at any pace -- and that everyone in it is therefore prepared. This puts Persons B, C and D in the wrong for shoving their way to the front.

It does not, however, deputize Person A to be rude. An alert Person A may therefore wish to stand in such a way as to make advancement from the table difficult. Otherwise, the best they will be able to do is to say, "Excuse me, I believe I was ahead of you."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We enjoy a longstanding friendship with another couple, occasionally including dinners at each others' homes. These friends are foodies who enjoy cooking: Meals at their house often include elaborate homemade dishes expertly paired with wines.

In contrast, I am an unaccomplished and unenthusiastic cook. The dinners I prepare are tasty but basic, sometimes incorporating pre-packaged vegetable dishes, sauces and salads. Our choice of wine tends to be uninspired, as well, because neither my husband nor I imbibe, other than a social glass or two with friends.

Our friends would never dream of saying anything; after all, the point of these evenings is to spend time together, not to reciprocate social obligations. That being said, should my husband and I be stepping up our dinner/wine game?

GENTLE READER: Certainly it could not hurt. But since you have made it clear that you have no interest, it is not a requirement.

What is a requirement, Miss Manners will remind you, is not to dwell on this deficiency whilst your more enthusiastic friends go to their customary trouble. Your disparaging yourself, while they have spent time and energy trying to please you, is not as charming as one might think.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2024 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2024 JUDITH MARTIN