ArcaMax

Q: It seems like whenever I try to make some improvement in my life, like developing a good habit or learning a new skill, I fall short of my goals. I seldom make as much progress as I hope, and it's very discouraging. Do you have any advice?

Jim: I'd say that one of the greatest barriers to success is an "all or nothing" attitude. That's when you convince yourself that minor setbacks justify scrapping the whole endeavor. For example, you slip up on your diet and eat a pint of ice cream. That one mistake causes some people to abandon their diet for the rest of the week ... or the rest of the month ... or even permanently.

It's been said that the road of life is littered with abandoned goals. Staying the course is especially difficult when the changes you're making are big ones. It's not easy to start an exercise program or to give an important relationship a whole new level of time and attention. Remember: Change doesn't happen overnight. Research shows that it takes an average of 66 days to form new habits. That means you have to remain persistent -- and expect a few setbacks along the way.

The good news is that setbacks don't have to turn into complete derailment. Success may require a lot of things from you, but perfection is NOT one of them. We all fall short sooner or later. Those missteps can have a good outcome if you stay hungry, productive, and are willing to learn and grow. The path to the finish line doesn't always go around failure -- it usually goes right through the heart of it.

Writer and philosopher G.K. Chesterton once wrote: "If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly." So, give yourself a little room to fail. Cut yourself some slack and keep on trying.

Q: I'm curious: In your professional opinion, what does a child need to grow up well-adjusted and healthy?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: I've enjoyed working with kids since I was in high school in the early 1990s as a camp counselor, a sports coach and eventually as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker counseling families. What I have learned is that there are many children who are hungry for reassurance and love -- the kind that comes from families.

What is love in a family? It goes beyond meeting fundamental needs like security, food and shelter. It is unwavering, attentive, resilient and invested. It is transforming and steadfast. This type of love has patience with the endless imperfections of others. It listens and chooses to forgive, repairing damaged relationships.

Here are four of the many things children need from their family besides the basic necessities:

1. Boundaries and limits. These are very important when it comes to entertainment and technology. They are also crucial with respect to friends, relationships and self-control.

2. Authentic feedback with permission to fail. A study a few years ago showed that at least 50 percent of kids post about their accomplishments on social media. But very few talk about their failures or mistakes. Kids want genuine feedback because it's difficult to trust a system where everyone appears to be a winner and no one struggles.

3. Relationship. Kids want a listening ear, laughter, mealtimes with family and conversation.

4. Mission and guidance. Kids seek purpose, which produces hope. Set goals as a family -- and conquer them. Conquering challenges as a family creates deeper bonds.

Love can always be expressed in various forms. That includes patience, correction, attention, direction, authentic feedback and sacrifice. Keep in mind that the more challenging the issues you address, the more love will be required.

========

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2025 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)

COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.