Nightmare Guest Shouldn't Be Invited Back
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend, who professes to love me, behaved irrationally on a two-day visit to my house. He says he is always in a lot of pain due to fibromyalgia, neuropathy and a tendon missing in his shoulder.
I have two disintegrating discs pressing on nerves in my lower back, which is very painful. During his visit, I waited on him hand and foot while he lollygagged on a sofa.
He went to take a shower in my guest bath, and apparently the shower did not work well. He screamed and yelled at the top of his lungs, slammed the bathroom door and then slammed the door to the guest bedroom. He did not come out till the next morning, when he told me the toilet in the guest bath was plugged up and ordered me to take care of it.
I was livid and told him to take care of it himself. I felt completely disrespected and felt he treated my home like a hotel.
He could have used the shower in my bathroom, but didn't bother asking. He also complained because there were no tissues in the bath, but I have extra boxes and could have fetched one. I would be interested in your thoughts.
GENTLE READER: This is a very volatile relationship.
If it survives this visit and you are willing to try again, Miss Manners suggests you sit your friend down and explain that while you know he is in pain, his behavior at your house was unacceptable. If he wants to stay with you, you would be happy to give him a tour of where everything is and how it works, but that you will not tolerate screaming and slamming if things go awry.
Miss Manners further advises that this conversation will go better if you resist the urge to compete over your respective pain and injuries.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine has been keeping in touch with me by sending text messages that contain one sentence only: "How are you, Jen?" He never shares anything about himself, nor does he show any interest in my life beyond asking that one question.
In frustration, I texted him that I am delighted and eager to hear from him any time he has something meaningful to share, but that going forward, I will no longer respond to one-sentence text messages. He was angry at this and I have not heard from him since.
What do you think of this behavior? I am still a bit mystified by it and would like your opinion.
GENTLE READER: In a world where long, rambling text messages and lack of interest in others prevails, it seems to Miss Manners that your friend's texts were both succinct and empathetic. Unless you are not providing her with the whole scenario.
Once you tell him how you are and ask him how he is, does he then go silent? If it really is just the one sentence and then crickets, Miss Manners will justify -- and share -- your mystification.
But it still does not warrant the tirade you unleashed upon him.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN
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