ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For my 40th birthday, my sister planned a bowling party. She is very organized, and pre-entered the names of all 12 guests into the lanes (two lanes, six people at each).

My dad arrived late, while we were in the fourth frame, and unexpectedly brought his girlfriend, Tiffany. My mom, his ex-wife, had stepped away and it happened to be her turn when they arrived.

Tiffany noticed she wasn't on the board, and announced she was taking my mom's turn. She made a big show of it.

Moments later, it was my turn. I stepped up to bowl, and shockingly, she shoved me aside, grabbed the ball and told me, "Let me show you how it's done!" She took my turn, too. In the same frame.

I was so stunned, I didn't know what to say, so I just muttered, "It's my turn. I'm here." She ignored me and even asked my dad to take a video of her bowling.

What should I have said? She took all my turns and everyone else's for the rest of the game. No one knew what to say or how to stop her, since we don't really even know her, and no one wanted her to be uncomfortable.

GENTLE READER: That is frustrating, since she was clearly oblivious to the discomfort of others. Miss Manners is proud of you for not returning the rudeness, but a talk with your father seems in order.

Something along the lines of, "You know we all want to get to know Tiffany, but she seemed far more interested in showing off her bowling prowess than in getting to know us. Perhaps we can meet for a meal so that we can just talk and there's no pressure to win." And then hope that competitive eating is not on Tiffany's list of accomplishments.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one politely and gently deal with being erased? When I had my hair done, the stylist and her assistant spent the entire time talking over my head. There was no way I could get a word in.

I didn't enjoy being cast as the mannequin in the chair. It reminded me of the times when I'm with a friend and someone new comes up, and they start a conversation that doesn't include me. I'm not looking to educate or correct; I just want to participate.

GENTLE READER: Funny. Miss Manners is more accustomed to being asked how to stay out of beauty salon conversations, not how to get in on them.

But since this is taking place amongst colleagues, she suggests you proceed carefully. If they are talking business, best not to insert yourself. If they are talking gossip, enjoy the free show.

But if they are talking pleasantries, you may smile or laugh or add something and see if it takes. There is a good chance that they presume you, like Miss Manners' other readers, have no interest in their chatter. So proceed accordingly and give them the benefit of the doubt.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2024 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2024 JUDITH MARTIN