Love and Loyalty: When Your Partner Won't Take Your Side
Dear Annie: I've been in an eight-year relationship that now seems to be ending, largely due to issues with my partner's daughters. They've become disrespectful and jealous, and one has crossed serious boundaries by stealing from me and sabotaging our relationship.
Over the past year, I've been struggling with a mental health condition, which worsened after I lost my mom and faced significant stress. I was even hospitalized for 10 days. Since then, the dynamic has completely changed. These daughters, who are both married with their own families, were once part of a tight-knit unit that enjoyed Sunday dinners and quality time. Now they seem to go out of their way to make me feel unstable, and I know I'm not imagining it.
What hurts most is that my partner isn't standing up for me. He denies knowing anything and dismisses my concerns, which has made me feel isolated. I've gathered evidence of their behavior over the past year, but I still feel broken and confused.
Am I being unfairly targeted, or is my mental health clouding my judgment? And how do I cope with the potential end of a relationship I've worked so hard to build? -- Broken and Confused
Dear Broken: I'm so sorry you're going through this. Eight years is a long time to be in a relationship. It's not easy to feel unsupported, especially when you've been dealing with such a difficult year.
If your partner's daughters are intentionally undermining you, that's unacceptable, and it's even harder when your partner isn't stepping in to defend or support you. You deserve better than to feel dismissed or blamed. With that being said, there are always two sides to the story, so make sure that you are reading their behavior correctly.
Take some time to focus on what you need to feel secure and respected. Talk to your partner openly about how this is affecting you and what you need from him. If he's unwilling to listen or address the issue, it's worth asking if this relationship is still giving you the support and love you deserve.
First and foremost, you have to protect your own mental health. Create boundaries with his daughters if necessary, lean on friends or a counselor for support, and do what makes you feel at peace.
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Annie Lane's second anthology -- "How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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