How To Remake a Political Career in Wrestling
You do not want to lose the wrestling fans, OK? Few folks are so passionately clear-eyed about their heroes and foes. Today's wrestling supporters love to marinate in juicy narratives, foretell plot twists with the acuity of Columbo and sniff out bull from miles away. We all need wrestling fans on our proverbial teams.
And yet, when Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis visited a WWE event at Tampa's Yuengling Center over Memorial Day weekend, he appeared to have lost them. Multiple videos capture booming boos from the stands punctuated by chants of "YOU SUCK!" DeSantis tried to laugh it off and snap selfies with those not actively eviscerating his existence.
Were the booing fans ardent supporters of President Donald Trump? After all, Trump gleefully and openly despises DeSantis, his personal punching meatball. Trump has emasculated and excoriated his one-time primary foe so many times you'd think he was John Cena with the Five-Knuckle Shuffle. Trump once said of DeSantis, "We hit him hard, and now he's like a wounded falling bird from the skies," which might be the most poetic sentence Trump ever constructed. Trump would rather hang out with Marco Rubio!
Then again, maybe the stands were full of progressives, of Bernie Sanders stans pushing for a more equitable future in which all are free to wear sequins and lace-up boots. Maybe the jeers stemmed from some headspace in the middle, from Floridians weary of DeSantis's who-me schtick, his secretive anti-environmental schemes, his moves to ban books from schools and fluoride from water. Maybe the fans were legal scholars closely following the criminal probe related to Hope Florida. Or maybe they're just broke from paying their homeowners insurance.
The why matters less. Because viewed in another light, this hate-shellacking offers a golden opportunity for a rebrand. DeSantis, increasingly irrelevant in Florida chambers and on the national stage, has a chance to reclaim a spot in the political sun. He just has to lean into spandex and his off-putting nature.
He has to become a heel.
In wrestling, a heel is the villain, the antagonist. The heel breaks rules, causes mischief and lives to be anti. The heel offers a tasty contrast to the face, or the good guy, establishing tension and someone to root for. DeSantis is rallying behind his wife, Casey DeSantis, as Florida's next governor. If she is to be platformed as, say, the Cody Rhodes of this state, DeSantis needs to intensify his own villain arc.
This will require ego death. You see, a heel loves to be hated. Trump is a textbook heel. Trump does not care if you call him a sewer rat; he will simply commission a golden statue of himself as a sewer rat and sell collectible miniatures for crypto in a legally suspicious business scenario.
On the other hand, DeSantis projects a deeply insecure desire for approval he can never fully attain. For example, when he once pointed out the sugar content of a child's ICEE at a campaign stop, it came off awkward and scoldy. A heel would have snatched the ICEE and hurled it to the ground! A heel would have done a Military Press Powerslam on that sweet treat and launched into the A-WAH-AH-AH-AH cackles popularized by the band Disturbed!
Pros: DeSantis loves a boot, we know this. He even loves added height, which is perfect since pro wrestling is so steeped in the drag tradition. But he does need an evil makeover. A buzz cut, perhaps, a full color study, character development. Maybe something with baseball? Lean into the pudding cup lore?
No matter the presentation, confidence will be key. Instead of feigning ignorance over a plot to pave parts of Florida state parks for golf courses, he must stand proudly and monologue these intentions to a rapt audience. "I WILL RID THIS STATE OF EVERY LITTLE BIRDIE. EVERY LITTLE BEAR. YOU TURTLES THINK YOU'RE GONNA HIDE BEHIND THE ENDANGERED FLORIDA SCRUB ECOSYSTEM? HAND ME MY DRIVER, IT'S TIME TO GRIP IT AND RIP IT." Or something. We're still brainstorming.
The gov needs to start training yesterday if he hopes to salvage an enduring image. But if there's anywhere to perfect a Tombstone Piledriver against your enemies, it's the fertile wrestling lands of Florida. The groundwork is laid out like the People's Elbow. If he plays this one right, the boos will only get louder.
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Stephanie Hayes is a columnist at the Tampa Bay Times in Florida. Follow her at @stephhayes on X or @stephrhayes on Instagram.
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